my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
