i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
