Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
