I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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