He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
