Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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