I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
