Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this boner is exhausting
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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