The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize