i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
