I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
