Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
