I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
