You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
