idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
