I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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