I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
