Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
