I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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