What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize