Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
