Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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