"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
