You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
