Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
