I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize