i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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