I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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