come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sext me about skeletons
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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