My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
