Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
