dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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