i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
