Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
