i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
