bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize