Please, let me fuck your mom
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
