oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
