shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize