So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
