if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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