is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
