That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
