I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she peed on how many people?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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