Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
