roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize