she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
