it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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