Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
