Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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