so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
