new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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