try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
