I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize