I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
