I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
