I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
