god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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