happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
