Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
