ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
