I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
