My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
