In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
