OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
