we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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