Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
