His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
