when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
