the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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